"Got A Blank Space Where My Mind Should Be"

So I, just like most live music fans, check out the local message boards. A lot of the ideas and expressions that are posted on these boards are down right raunchy and/or unfriendly; many times completely unrelated to music. Some of the posters are not cool, most of them are cool enough to be your best friend, and some of them are straight up hilariuous. Recently, I have read some posts that make me LOL (pun intended). I have a pretty good sense of humor and it is those funny posts that have inspired me to begin my first column on LMS called, "Got A  Blank Space Where My Mind Should Be."
My plan is to dig up a funny piece that I find on a message board (one that is frequented by Live Music Peeps) and share it with you.  This weeks piece comes from the Disco Biscuits area of PhantasyTour.com, posted by member, zestypancakes. As a quick disclaimer on my reputation, I need to let you know that I do not support the ideas or crazy ass shit expressed in this post...I just think it's funny.

1) Skater shoes: These wide, soft, and durable shoes help the average Disco Biscuits fan stay on their feet while dancing around in circles to repetitive music tripping on DMT.


2) Baggy Jeans rolled up above the ankle: Bisco lots can get muddy at night, and as most Bisco kids only have one pair of jeans, rolling them up will ensure that you wont have to do laundry until the next time you go home broke and burnt out, to explain to mom why you left college to "go on a Bisco tour."

3) New Era Fitted Cap: For those fashion conscious Disco Biscuits fans, a fitted cap is a great way to both disguise the hair you haven't washed since the Pittsburgh show two months ago, and send a hint that although you may look broke, your parents do indeed live in Fairfield, Connecticut.

4) Disco Biscuits hoody: "In case anyone was curious, yes, I like the Disco Biscuits. See? I bought a hoody. I wear it everyday."

5) A crystal or two around the neck: you know, like, for the energy and stuff. One should never ruin themselves with drugs and alcohol following around a band named after ecstasy without a very powerful prayer crystal. You might be liable to miss the next show, due to an overdose caused by a lack of positive karma. "Dude, this crystal really works! I was up all night last night drinking whisky and swallowing Kolonopins, but I got out of bed no problem this morning!"

6) Mom's credit card: Although a few industrious Bisco fans do support themselves by slingin' crystals, artwork, drugs, or food, the vast majority are funded by private donations from their parents. Without the generous assistance of moms and dads all over America, tour kids everywhere might actually have to get jobs. Good thing we live in an age of affluence and gluttony, because Dad is too preoccupied about getting rims for his new H2 Hummer to worry how his son is spending his trust fund.

7) Brain corroded by ecstasy, hallucinogens, pharmaceutical, and lots of nitrous: The only way to really enjoy the Disco Biscuits for more than ten minutes.

8) The sniffles: No matter how much you love the Disco Biscuits, the scene can cause terrible problems to ones health. Waking up in a filthy motel room surrounded by ten to twelve other Bisco fans, one is lucky to walk away with merely a head cold.

Here is a link to the entire thread:
http://www.phantasytour.com/bisco/boards_thread.cgi?threadID=2076126